Relationship is at the center of any spiritual practice and is a powerful Sādhanā in it’s own right. Here’s why.
There’s nothing more important than relationship – relationship to self, romantic relationships, relationships with our children, with friends and family, co-workers, community, society, planet, universe, eternity – we each have relationships in all these areas (whether we like it or not). So how do we approach all of this with freedom and self-knowledge as our priority?
- Curiosity. First and foremost, we must be curious. Curiosity is a natural part of being a human. We are naturally curious about EVERYTHING. If we are not curious, generally that means that we are living in fear and judgement. Fear is the curiosity-killer. In this context, we fear what our curiosity might lead us to. More on that here.
- Self-reflection. How do we engage our curiosity with intentionality? We start with self-reflection. What are the thoughts, feelings and sensations attendant to this moment? How might my past experience and the unavoidable conditioning of it inform my current experience? What learning opportunity is available to me in the face of all of this?
- Responsibility. We MUST take responsibility for our own reality. However triggered I feel, and however much I might believe that other people or circumstances are causing this experience for me, I recognize that I am not separate from those people and circumstances, and self-knowledge can only come from taking responsibility for how these reactions live in me. I must use my will to avoid projection and reject all thoughts of separateness.
- Offering. Next, we must offer our self-reflection in relationship. This part is very tricky, because it requires tremendous trust. Trust in self, trust in the other person, or people, that this offering can and will be received and met in the spirit of deepening the relationship and self-knowledge for all. Sadly, our current planetary society provides very little support for true relationship. We are constantly being pushed to objectify each other, to fit each other into the stories and values that family and society force upon us, to believe that we are separate from each other. We are not. So we must find people that we can trust to do this with. And there is no roadmap other than our own feeling intuition – advanced degrees, claims of expertise, success in the world, fame and fortune – these things have nothing to do with relationship. Relationship is the moment of trusting ourselves and one another.
- Inquiry. Once we have offered our self-reflection with trusted other(s), we engage in inquiry to fully understand each other and to go deeper into all that has been offered. Much more on a structured process of inquiry can be found here: The Art of Inquiry
- Joy. The process described here will lead to greater self-knowledge and freedom – what could be more joyful than that? If we were just here to blame, judge and punish, what would be the point? But we are here to grow and learn and deepen our relationships – and there is endless enjoyment available in that. Truly.
- Commitment. Relationships are ongoing – this process is never one and done. An unwavering dedication to liberation (the Buddhist notion of Bodhicitta) is really a commitment to relationship and all that it means. Even if certain interpersonal relationships have ended, this dedication lives on in us – to me, this is the meaning of the Bodhisattva Vow. It’s in relationship that we find wholeness, not in experience or ideas or accumulation. And that’s what makes relationship the center of spiritual practice.
Albee Kara – Jan. 21, 2023